Just some light I wanted to share

From my journal – 11/17/09
Dance class today was amazing. We sat in a circle to talk a bit and Kathleen mentioned to us how our classmate, Caitie, would be gone from the class due to health issues. She told us, hopefully, Caitie could come sometime to class so we could dance for her or do something nice for her. Kathleen also updated us on her daughter’s investigators in Poland that we pray for to strengthen the branch there.

After warming up, we were asked to find a low position on the ground as if we were protecting a seed of faith that would grow into a marvelous tree as we progressed in our dances. I held my seed in my hand – my hope that things would be better soon, my hope that I’d understand God’s will for me, and my hope to become that beautiful tree. I struggled to believe in the seed, I dropped it, I tried to spread it or hide it. I tried to rise to God, I scattered the growth of the seed, and I stood strong. I rejoiced. I reflected.

Every once in awhile, Kathleen would say something for us to ponder while dancing, like remembering eternal families. The Spirit filling the room was immense and some people were in tears for individual reasons. We just had to focus on our feelings and knowing we’d be better – we couldn’t think about how we looked. We had two moments when we were told to dance near another person. First, Kathleen danced with me and it felt like we were exchanging our troubles, our strengths, and our joy in the Gospel. Second, I was with Brooklyn who had been crying thinking of her recently-deceased grandmother. I loved being near the spirit around her. Kathleen reminded us of Joseph Smith after I danced with Brooklyn. She said to think about how much we know the truth and cannot deny it. I was paused in a shape kind of kneeling with an arm raised to Heavenly Father. Right when she said we know the truth and cannot deny it, I began to cry as I remembered my life’s conversion points. The Spirit overcame me. I danced wanting to share the great knowledge I had. I cried feeling disappointed in myself for my doubts and wanting to be stronger. The last thing I remember Kathleen telling us was to have faith and hope that we could dance our very best, so I tried. I couldn’t care about what I actually looked like, I could do better – my potential is always there and accessible.

Well, just after she mentioned having hope, the door opened and Caitie’s mom pushed Caitie in a wheelchair into the room. I felt the Spirit in the room double and I’m sure I cried as I tried so much harder to dance with hope for Caitie. Several of us thought it was planned for her to come in since Kathleen mentioned her earlier. It was actually absolutely unexpected for all of us, but definitely inspired by the Lord. It was beautiful. When we finished, we danced a sequence for Caitie and we all embraced her. The rest of the class was spent talking with her and hearing her testimony of the Atonement. And when she left to go home, we all stayed to talk even more about the experience of the entire class period. It was wonderful.

We will know each other by our spirits and that’s how we will find each other in the life to come. I did not want to leave or lose that light and spirit. I wanted to share it so much with someone or to sit at the temple to continue pondering and feeling the Spirit at that level. I just went home. I stood in my room a little and danced again. I got teary-eyed every time I looked at my hands – my seed will grow.
After this class experience, I sensed a distinct difference in all of us the rest of the week in dance – we were all enlightened and closer to our potentials.